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When you least expect it

On not letting fears stop you

And just like that, when I least expected it, I found what I was looking for.

After 10 months of intense job search, I received that very much-awaited email with the words that I had been longing for:

“We would like to offer you the job”.

I couldn’t believe it. I had sent so many CVs without a response, that when I applied for this job I was fully convinced I wouldn’t get one this time either. But there I was, two interviews after, delighted with my job offer.

There was just a tiny, teeny problem.

The job was based in England.

Don’t get me wrong, I did want to go back to England, I even have a post on this blog about how much I missed being there (! But once the joy and relief on the first couple of days faded, all I could feel was fear.

I had got quite comfy at my sister’s in Italy. I loved going for walks around the beautiful Lago Maggiore; the homemade pizzas on Friday’s night; the exercise sessions with my sister and the kids (and cats!) cheering us on; the lazy weekends watching silly series or films…

The last 10 months had been difficult, a pandemic is not easy for anyone, but 2020 also allowed me to get rid of that big hole of loneliness that I felt throughout the whole of 2019. The thought of moving to England on my own just made me fear its comeback.

Now, I’m pretty used to change and moving. Normally, it excites me, so all this apprehension surprised me.

Or, more accurately, annoyed me.

I didn’t want to feel that way. I eventually got what I had been looking for: a job that I was very interested in and an exciting opportunity to build my own independent life again. And yet, the fear and the anxiety of being alone were getting in the way of being able to enjoy it.

Still, even with the fears of finding myself alone again and without knowing if this was the best decision or not, I decided to go with it.

And gosh, am I grateful that I did!

The flight from Italy to England was probably one of the worst flights I’ve ever taken, I had never been on a plane that anxious before. But something weird happened when I landed in England.

I immediately went to WSmith shop and started browsing the books there – I always bought a new book when I was at an English airport.

Being back in an English airport brought back a lot of forgotten, but happy, memories somehow.

I felt a big wave of relief. I realised that I could be happy again here.

England had been a place where I had built 7 years long of happy memories, and I was suddenly convinced that those would not be the only happy memories that I was going to have in this country.

By the time I got to bed that night in the B&B where I was staying, all my worries had vanished. I felt good, safe, happy…at home.

I now realise how limiting it can be to let fear guide your decisions. How much happiness can be missed when you listen to that part of you that feels so uncomfortable with the unknown.

The unknown is scary and risky. Things can always turn ugly. But we tend to forget that they can also turn into the most beautiful and wonderful surprises.

When you least expect it, things can turn for the better. Embrace the change. Don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from moving forward.

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